Tuesday, September 16, 2008

on my soapbox

getty images

The Cute sent me this article "6 Food Mistakes Parents Make" from The New York Times this afternoon.

read it, please.

fascinating and informative reading whether you have kids or not. it certainly made me think about how i was raised re' food.
i was always invited into the kitchen to help cook - this i credit with making me a pretty adventurous omnivore - but i was certainly pressured to eat or not to eat certain foods because they were either "good" or "bad" - and don't think i don't see the connection between those "bad" foods and the foods i later restricted or binged upon.

the article also made me think about how i might raise my own children - i know it's not a popular parenting view, but i don't plan on forbidding any food in my house. nothing. nada. that's the one part of the article i disagree with.
Other studies show that children whose food is highly restricted at home are far more likely to binge when they have access to forbidden foods.

The lesson for parents? Don’t bring foods that you feel the need to restrict into the house. Instead, buy healthful snacks and give children free access to the food cabinets.
aren't those two statements somewhat contradictory? if you don't allow certain foods into your home, they're restricted, and when that child encounters them outside of your home, they're likely to inhale them.

case in point: my friend A. we were friends since the 5th grade. her dad was the manager of a small grocery store in our town, so her kitchen cabinets were always full of a wide variety of "good" and "bad" foods including Little Debbie cakes, sugary cereals and storebought cookies. i never once saw or heard her mother tell her she couldn't have this or that food. the cabinets and the fridge were open to her at any time. she could have anything. she could eat pepperoni and Cheez-Whiz between two Chips-Ahoy for breakfast if she wanted to. i know. how awful! how dare her mother not watch over her diet like a hawk? well, wanna know what A's favorite food was? salad. wanna know what granola-and-fruit-juice-fed-me gorged on when i went over there to visit? i'm sure i don't have to tell you (although i'm sure i reaked of Oatmeal Cream Pies for days afterwards).

why restrict any food (and i'm not talking about children with diabetes or a similar issue)? just like adults, i truly believe that if you give a child a wide variety of foods to choose from, broccoli to brownies, and let them listen to their body and their hunger, they will make reasonable choices. don't believe me? watch a toddler with an ice cream cone. they don't have to finish it. they get full. they stop without being forced to. yes, some of us might have a greater propensity to develop eating problems, but i do believe, for the most part, that we really do learn disordered eating (this isn't my theory. smarter folks than i have studied it, written about it, practiced it. check out Preventing Childhood Eating Problems. i actually used its simple tenets in my own recovery).

anyway, i ramble. i also say all of this not having had children yet, so i know there might be a litany of "i told you sos" coming my way when i have my own little bean and all she wants to eat are those victuals that fall under the BEIGE food group. i can see myself now, paying her in Polly Pockets accessories just to PLEASE eat something, anything GREEN.

i was thrilled to see this as the 5th food mistake. thrilled, because people need to see this in print
. i'm hoping that those who don't believe me when i say it, will believe The New York Times. they're like, way totally smarter than me:
Dieting in front of your children
Kids are tuned into their parents’ eating preferences and are far more likely to try foods if they see their mother or father eating them. A Rutgers study of parent and child food preferences found that preschoolers tended to like or reject the same fruits and vegetables their parents liked or didn’t like. And other research has shown girls are more likely to be picky eaters if their mothers don’t like vegetables.

Given this powerful effect, parents who are trying to lose weight should be aware of how their dieting habits can influence a child’s perceptions about food and healthful eating. In one study of 5-year-old girls, one child noted that dieting involved drinking chocolate milkshakes — her mother was using Slim-Fast drinks. Another child said dieting meant “you fix food but you don’t eat it.”

A 2005 report in the journal Health Psychology found that mothers who were preoccupied with their weight and eating were more likely to restrict foods for their daughters or encourage them to lose weight. Daughters of dieters were also more likely to try diets as well. The problem is, restrictive diets don’t work for most people and often lead to binge eating and weight gain. By exposing young children to erratic dieting habits, parents may be putting them at risk for eating disorders or a lifetime of chronic dieting. “Most mothers don’t think their kids are soaking up this information, but they are,” Dr. Birch said. “They’re teaching it to their daughters even though it doesn’t work for them.

do you remember your parents' dieting? do you think it affected your own attitude towards food and dieting? how? i'm interested to hear your thoughts.

Monday, September 08, 2008

wondering...


when did "you're practically disappearing" become a compliment?
dis·ap·pear [dis-uh-peer]

1. to cease to be seen; vanish from sight.

2. to cease to exist or be known; pass away; end gradually: One by one the symptoms disappeared.
i overheard it said to someone on the elevator this afternoon, and it struck me as so sad that it could ever be considered a compliment, and yet it was definitely meant to be in this case, and the recipient certainly ruffled a bit with pride.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

apartment-sitting beats babysitting.

i don't know what's going on with me, but i know that all i want to do these days is cook for myself (this mainly means chopping vegetables to make this salad) and watch bad television (Whose Wedding is This Anyway? or Clean House anyone?). rather than freaking out and assuming that i have lost all ambition and will fade away into creative oblivion, i'm trying trying trying to just enjoy a little vacation away from my super-productive, list-making self.

we have to do that sometimes, yes?

it helps that i'm staying in the fabulous apartment of my dear friend J, who is away on safari for two weeks with his partner T. poor dears. i'm taking full advantage of the fully-equipped open kitchen, central air-conditioning and cable television. they didn't want to leave the apartment empty for that long so really, i'm doing them a favor. how will they ever repay me?

Friday, August 29, 2008

angry friday


have you seen this shit? just the name pisses me off. made by Bliss Spa, i saw it yesterday when i was in Sephora, doing what every other woman was doing in there: preparing for a Thursday night out using free expensive makeup.

i literally gasped when i saw this on the shelves.

the blurb on the back of the FatGirlSleep is what really got my goat:
Get a full night's 'booty' sleep with this supercharged sister to our famed FatGirlSlim. Formulated with our encapsulated slenderiZZZe complex that releases dimple diminishers and soothing lavender for up to 6 hours, this ultra-rich cream helps make the most of your body's overnight restorative process. Good night, sleep 'tight' and don't let the bed 'blubs' bite.
"don't let the bed 'blubs' bite!!!" are you kidding?!?!?

and this comment from Susan, a FatGirlSleep user;
The emollient texture combined with the relaxing lavender scent sends me off to a dreamy sleep all the while working on my-well you know what.
"my-well you know what!"

your what? your vagina? oh no, you mean your CELLULITE because THAT is certainly a very, very dirty word right up there with STRETCH MARKS and LOVE HANDLES and BELLY BULGE.

i'm so happy i don't know Susan. i might punch her.

i don't have a problem with the cream per se. at certain times in my life, when i'm feeling less than toned and lovely, i might very well give this sort of cream a shot. i really don't care if it's all about the placebo effect. sometimes the placebo effect is worth the money, but please, don't call me FAT and don't talk to me like i'm an asshole.

bliss. blissfully ridiculous.

Monday, August 25, 2008

i don't want my work to have PMS though.

i'll be back. i'm busy conjurin' creativity.

in the meantime, read this post about 10 Ways to Infuse Your Work with Your Personality by Keri Smith if you're an artist... or just a human bean interested in living artistically, and aren't we all when it comes down to it? you can't fool me. we all still jones for that Crayola box of 64.

tip #8 i found incredibly useful since i am now in the process of sending out size ate postcards to local universities. it can often feel like such miserable, money-grubbing work. sure, making money and building a business are PARTS of it, but it's not It. i have something incredibly valuable and worthy to share when it comes to my show and my voice!

8. Don't promote to target your audience. By all means send things out into the world, but don't think in terms of "promoting to get work". Send stuff out because -you're proud of it, -you want to share something with the world, -it's fun to get mail, -to have good karma, -you want to spread your germs, -you like licking stamps. Try sending a postcard of something you made for fun, (i.e. directions on how to make a finger puppet). When thinking of subject matter for promotions look to your current life. If you deal with topics that are important to you a piece will have much more life to it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

it's all how you look at it, isn't it?


i read this last night, and it struck me, so i thought i'd share it with you:

Opportunity is nowhere. Opportunity is now here.

shift your perspective. sit in a different place in the company lunchroom. go commando when you usually wear granny panties. take a different route to work. try the fiddleferns on the menu. opportunities might present themselves through the teeny tiny cracks you couldn't see from where you've been sitting. sometimes it just takes a subtle movement. i mean, look what happens to the phrase above with one tiny tap on the spacebar.

suddenly the night sky opens up and stars tumble in.

i've been trying to do this lately. make tiny changes to shift my perspective eeeeever so slightly. i hate it. i resent it. i hate change. change is terrifying. change is excruciating. i hate change, but i also know that change is necessary. i think i also read somewhere, and i may have even posted about it on this blog already, but again... and i paraphrase, if you're not changing, you're dead. i hate change, but i hate the idea of being dead more. change is LIFE. best to get comfortable with it. or maybe it's best to get comfortable with being uncomfortable with change.

Monday, August 11, 2008

late bloomer... and that's just fine.


taking a bit of a summer breather, but shall return, but while i'm gone, a new site i've found that i'm loving: http://mistymawn.typepad.com/

i'm even considering going to a workshop she's co-presenting in Oaxaca in december. i'm asking the universe to help me find, create, receive the money needed to go. it would be the one and only true vacation i've ever taken (that didn't involve family and/or a wedding), and the workshop involves creating a personal artistic journal. i've been offered the opportunity to publish size ate the play, but i've resisted, feeling deep down that the size ate book that gets published needs to be something that is more of an experience that just a book. it will be very visual and engaging. it will contain personal and collaborative art work and activities to be completed by the reader. my show is not a typical one-woman show. it bounces around and is a veritable theatrical collage. the accompanying book that WILL EVENTUALLY GET PUBLISHED (positive thinking!) should be the same. anywho, my point in bringing this up is that i'm hoping this workshop would be the start of a size ate book and workbook to accompany the show. fingers crossed.

one quick thought: spent sunday afternoon with a dear friend of mine who just turned 29. folks were joking with her,

"oh, one more year, and it's all over!"

"what!?" i said with not a little pissiness. "the thirties are SO much better than the 20s. i like myself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and intellectually now so much more than i did when i was in my 20s. you couldn't PAY me to go back."

and frankly, it only keeps getting better. by 80, i'll be about ready to bloom and bungee jump.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

yes!

all of the pleasure, none of the environmental guilt.

click here.

Friday, August 01, 2008

wholeness

my friend laura sent me an online greeting card from Bone Sigh Arts today. i went to the website to check out the rest of the art and found this new print that struck a big ol' chord with me (click the pic for a better view).

here's how the little girl who is me feels today:

Thursday, July 31, 2008

america the beautiful: the documentary


i went to see the new documentary by Darryl Roberts last night called America the Beautiful. it's a fascinating, terrifying, entertaining and educational look into America's obsession with beauty and the price we pay for that (if that seems like a broad description well, the scope of the movie is broad). what's even more fascinating is that the documentary is written, directed and produced by A GUY and funded by three other GUYS. i love that! he explains a little more about why he was drawn to making this movie on his blog.

anyway... GO SEE IT! it's opening in NYC tomorrow August 1 at Cinema Village, and will open in a number of other cities very soon. click here for listings.

see it because it's educational and entertaining (and if you can't feel comfy eating a 12 pound bucket of buttered popcorn while watching THIS film, when can you?), but also see it because the more people who go out NOW to see it, the more distribution the film will get, and then even more folks will get see it, and this film needs to be seen.

eye-opening.

thank you, darryl. i bet your mama's proud.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

what i did last night

made this zucchini bread.

watched this remarkable video.



i highly recommend both.

napkins recommended to catch errant crumbs and tears.

Monday, July 28, 2008

could the jeans be higher-waisted?

all four of us girls greatly contributed to the depletion of the ozone layer with the creation of those hairdos (note the Diet 7up in hand).

looking at this picture makes me a wee sad, and it has nothing to do with the acid-washed denim, brick wall bangs or the Sun-In bleached hair - although all of that is bloody awful too.

this picture was taken about a year after my first flirtation with anorexia. by this time, i was seemingly well-adjusted, at a healthy weight and into my first year of high school. yet if cameras could freeze thoughts as well as images, and you could peel back the photo and peer into my mind, you'd see a mind graffiti'd with a litany of lamentations. SO UGLY. SO FAT. SO DUMB. SO UNPOPULAR. and yet, there i was... so pretty, so healthy, so smart, so popular, but completely unable to see it. blind to it. just about how a freshmen girl in high school is supposed to feel, i know, and i don't know that you can raise a daughter who won't ever experience a lick of self-hatred or self-doubt, but i just wish i could step into this picture, sidle up to 14-year old me, and whisper into her ear:

it gets better, beautiful girl, i promise.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

let's trade places for a week and see how you feel about that statement.

this morning, on the subway ride in, i'm standing up holding on to one of the poles. there's a guy sitting down next to me. he seems a little out of it, but i figure he's just tired and undercaffeinated on a weekday morning.

like me.

fifteen minutes into the train ride, he leans over to the woman sitting next to him and says:

hold my seat, would you? i gotta go pee.

she looks at him and sort of gives him a combination shake and nod of her head. not wanting to piss him off, i guess, by saying no, and not wanting to commit to holding this guy's seat on a crowded train.

now, he declares:

"just hold my seat for a few minutes while i go pee."

again, she says nothing. just looks at him through her fluttering eyelashes, playing dumb.

i'm sorry, i'm a woodnymph from the Forest of Everlasting, i don't speak human. where do the fairies live in this city?

at this point, he gets up, and i think i'm being helpful by saying to this guy, who must be an out-of-towner:

"hey, there aren't bathrooms on the subway trains."

"i knooooow..."

and now i know from the stench, that this guy is drunk.

"i need you guys to hold my seat while i go pee in the space between the trains."

right.

and i giggle to myself, because it was just last night that my friend L from sweet, green, magnolia-sprinkled valdosta, georgia said to me via Facebook chat, "your life seems so glamorous in NYC!"

indeed.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Monday, July 21, 2008

wisdom is where you find it

i was headed to a dentist's appointment a few weeks ago to pick up my SECOND $500 nightguard (you are not you surprised to hear that i grind my teeth at night).

i get off at the 53rd + fifth avenue stop. i'm riding up a really loooooong escalator from the subway to the street exit, when some ambitious young lad takes the stairs.*

(i used to be The One who took the stairs, and i don't mean a few stairs, the it-will-actually-take-me-less-time-to-take-the-stairs-so-why-not stairs, but i mean the 150 steps stairs that NO ONE TAKES EVER unless the escalator is dead. i got a lot of who-the-hell and why-the-hell looks on a 90 degree days when i'd trudge up the stairs in my little black work shoes and my little black pencil skirt, eyes fixed, lips pursed, breath controlled. i loved the looks.

BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU, THAT'S WHY, my thoughts were screaming.

like many eating disorderlies, i fancied myself immortal, special, incapable of feeling pain or discomfort. needless, therefore... better than all you humans).

now, i ride the escalator. it feels GREAT to step aside and let those who want to walk up the escalator do so.

please! go right ahead.

anyway, this lad is leaping to the top of the stairwell, and we're all watching in a combination of awe and annoyance.

show off.

just as guy is getting to the top of the escalator, this homeless man - skin the color of milk chocolate, head surrounded by a corona of crazy gray hair and beard - steps onto the down escalator, takes one contemplative look at the guy dashing up the stairs, turns to the rest of us and shouts, like a king addressing his subjects:

REPEAT AFTER ME: EXERCISE? BAAAAD. MASSAGE? GOOOOOOOD. EXERCISE? BAD. MASSAGE? GOOOOOOD. NOW, GO GET ONE.

*in the NYC subway, if there's an escalator, there's usually a set of stairs right next to it. you see plenty of folks dashing down the stairs, but rarely up. some of those suckers are LONG.

Friday, July 18, 2008

my own little river map


this morning, as i'm getting dressed in front of the bathroom mirror, the sunlight streaming through the window hits my body in such a way so that the fine, white striations on my hips are more pronounced.

i stop. i stare. i gently touch them, delicate little white ribbons weaving across my hips and onto my inner thighs.

"oh, my poor little stretch marks."

i'm sure there will come a day in the not too distant future when i am not so well-rested nor so well-balanced, and i will see these marks as gross and unattractive. i will try to rid my body of them via copious slatherings of cocoa butter and vigorous exfoliations, but for today, i like them. welcome them. they are evidence of a life lived imperfectly, and a body and soul that has adapted.

"thank you."

a reaction of gratitude and compassion instead of disgust. this is a good day indeed.

Monday, July 14, 2008

blackmail on a sunday morning.


these are my cousins's kids. the two boys have their t-shirts wrapped around their heads "ninja-style," i was told (i thought it was more evocative of a chador, but i'm doubting that that was the intent).

see the super-scary ninja in the center? the one w/ the red hood? grandma char has a rather impressive collection of clip-on earrings. turns out super-scary ninjas like to wear them up their nose. part of their "shock and awe" approach to attack, i presume.

i took a bunch of pictures of them, they were all scrambling to see them, and eager for me to take more.

i told Red, "yeah, this is cool when you're nine, but in five years, you so won't want your friends seeing this picture."

which is totally why i'm saving it on my hard drive.

Friday, July 11, 2008

i guess i can take the canned goods out of my backpack then.


i'm headed off to baltimore this weekend (via the fancy, schmancy greyhound bus) to visit my aunt char, uncle rick and cousins. my cousin B is leaving in the next few weeks to teach high school for a year in the boondocks of alaska (are there boondocks in alaska?). i wanted to visit before he left.

aunt char is my dad's sister. my dad was a professional football player. my aunt char married a professional football player. my mom and dad had two boys and one baby girl. my aunt char and uncle rick had two boys and one baby girl. i'm the baby and B is the middle kid, so i'm not sure why it worked out the way it did, but B and i are the more unconventional ones of our respective families, so i guess i feel a special kinship with him. we have both stared down some personal demons pretty publicly, and we both never felt quite right about hanging around our hometowns or settling down like our sibs (we are, what you might call, "late bloomers"). i took off for concrete jungle of nyc and he took off for the sugary beaches of southern california. i guess i've sort of "settled" a bit in nyc, but he's off again to the wilderness of alaska, and he's super-pumped about it.

anyway, he's a one cool guy with a strong sense of self-awareness and humility, and i will miss our late night conversations in the kitchen about politics and education.

i called my aunt this morning to discuss when i might arrive.

"if i take the 2:30 bus i'll get there at 6pm. is that okay? i can come later if you want me to so you guys don't have to drive in rush hour traffic to come get me."

"i don't care. 6 is fine."

"great."

"and we have food."

Friday, July 04, 2008

some things never change.

my brother Lance sent me a copy of the Christmas letter my mom sent out in 1978. this is what she had to say about me (click the image to see it fully):





notice "loves cleaning" was not included in the list.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

oops! missed a hip.

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/2008/06/zoo-shadow-of-doubt.html

the guy who was doing the photoshopping got so distracted by imogen's brand-spankin' new tatas, he couldn't finish the job. i'm sure he finished, ifyaknowhatimean, but he didn't finish this.

(thanks, r.)