after much, much, much handwringing, i've decided to close up shop here on the size ate blog.
i know, it's probably not much of a surprise to any of you (are there any of you left?) since i've been M.I.A for almost a year now and posting was spotty for a year or so prior to that, but i wanted to write one last post to explain my decision because i think it's a healthy one. i also think it's possible that many of you might someday find yourself in a similar position and be scared (like i've been) to cut the cord. it might seem completely impossible to you now, but someday you might find that it's time to kill your own ED/body image blog, delete the ED/body image blogs from your bookmarks, store your ED books in the basement and move on to exploring and expressing something new. not because you're perfectly recovered - we know there's no such thing and our recovery is a work in progress - but because you're so much better and the world is so much bigger than your disordered eating and your body image.
and isn't that the point of getting better? to live? to try new things? to grow?
my disordered eating and body image scheisse is a part of my history. an important part of my history that has, in many ways, molded and shaped who i am today, but as a part of my history, it should probably stay there. i hope my story will, like history lessons always do, continue to help others navigate the present, but it's time for me to move on and write new stories. a marriage story; maybe a new mommy story; a food truck story; a new blog about living happily, hopefully and healthfully; a new show about the insanity that is WEDDING.
i don't know!
and isn't.
that.
lovely.
i was discussing size ate's role in my life with my therapist the other day - something we've done a lot of over the past year or so - and i said to her, "ya know. i just don't feel like talking about myself anymore."
she looked me in the eye and surprised me by saying, "margaux, that's a sign of recovery."
(my "doh!" moment.)
and so, i took that as a sign that it's time to sign off.
this blog will remain as is, and i hope that women and men, young and old will happen upon it from time to time and find comfort and inspiration here. i'll still be performing the show occasionally and will keep that site updated with show locations and times, so check in there if you're still interested in seeing the show live. i've also got a film version of the show in the works (if only in my head at this point, but isn't that where all good things begin?). i'll post updates on all new projects on my Facebook pages, so the best way to stay in the loop would probably be there (size ate page and my own personal page). be my friend, please.
also, i'm not pulling a J.D. Salinger, so PLEASE feel free to get in touch with me at margrocks (at) gmail.com if you need anything - support, NYC hotel recommendations, wedding advice (that's easy: elope).
it's been an honor to share my story with you, and i hope in some small way that it's helped you shape yours. by reading my words you've helped me heal. thank you.
love,
margaux.
