next year i'm wearing a costume.how many pieces of apple ginger upside down cake i wish i'd eaten: 1
how many pieces of apple ginger upside down cake i actually ate: 3
how i wish my nasal passages felt: free and clear and clean like a York Peppermint Pattie commercial.
how my nasal passages actually feel: as if a sorority of Upper East Side girls have moved in and are tittering about in their Jimmy Choo stilettos reupholstering everything in last season's Prada mucous green.
how i wish my abs looked post-second-helping of stuffing and 3rd piece of apple cake: sleek and sexy like Keira Knightley's
how my abs actually look post-second-helping of stuffing and 3rd piece of apple cake: in the family way.
how i wish my obligatory Thankgiving telephone call home went:
Me: Happy Thanksgiving!
Happy Thankgiving, honey! So great to hear from you. How are you? I've heard you've been sick. How are you feeling? We sure do wish you were here. We're all positively on the verge of tears missing you. Oh, wait...hold on. Everyone's clamoring for the phone here dying to talk to you.
how my obligatory Thankgiving telephone call home actually went:
Happy Thanksgiving!
Who is this?
Uh...Happy Thanksgiving. You get 3 guesses.
(Silence...followed by a series of clicks and squeaks and fumbles...I have been speakerphoned.)
Here's your stepmother.
Happy Thanksgiving, Dad.
1 comment:
You are funny!! Your blogs crack me up.
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