too

i am having a fat day.

i feeeeeeeeeeeel fat.

therefore i must beeeeeeeeeeeeee fat.

no. not necessarily.

what i have come to realize is that when i "feel" fat, i'm usually feeling "too big." too much. too too.

ya knoo?

i guess i am expanding into my life now. i am like one of those little capsules that you drop into the water that then bursts and blossoms into a dinosaur, a dolphin or a dahlia. it's really just a sponge, but it looks so magnificent and magical and mystical. it's almost freakish. i think it looks freakish only b/c we're not used to it. we're not used to our kitchen sponge expanding into a pink hippopotomus that wears toe shoes.

i have spent much of my life trying to scale back to a size, psychically, emotionally and physically, that does not threaten or intimidate. why? so i will not be alone. i might be kept trapped in someone's damp, dank pocket, but at least i will not be alone.

stupid.

i am so tiiiiiiiiired of it. the truth? i could diminish myself to the size of

this

dot

.

and this would still not guarantee any sort of lifelong company. besides...what's the point of being with someone if the someone you are with someone is a someone who you are not?

exactly.

so, i will go on expanding to too.
even if, i occasionally feel moo.
it's only for a day or two.
but i wanna dive into life and blossom...on cue.

toodle doo.

love you.