i'm baaaack...for today, anyway.

promises, promises...

so sorry i have been a lazy girl in terms of posting on the blog as of late. the past few months have been nuts at work - we moved from one big, labyrinthine building to another bigger, more labyrinthine building. i was involved intimately in the whole crazy-making process. this meant loads and loads of time spent in front of the computer. this also meant i had absolutely zero interest in spending any time in front of the computer after work for any reason - blogging, emailing, graphic design, lesbian porn (kidding, dad!). nothing. nada. nope. the idea of more time with a computer nauseated me. i even came to resent my Treo - "Satan's phone," i came to think of it. everyone, including Satan, can get in touch with you anytime, anywhere.

so anyway...


hi! how ya been?

so there's the work thing, and..and! i really am trying to spend some time figuring out what the next step is for size ate - the blog, the show, the Moi. the blog started as an online diary meant to share my neuroses surrounding body and food. the idea being that this would make it easier for me to then get up on a stage ALONE in front of 80 people and talk, act, dance, sing about it for an hour in my one-woman show. PRACTICE EXPOSING MYSELF is what this blog really should have been called. like a flasher-in-training. so i did that, and i did the show, and so...


now what?

hm. not sure.

the show itself has some performances coming up, and i'm planning on booking more so that's good...wonderful...great. i'm really looking forward to re-uniting with my "little bastard child" (as my friend coins those projects we deem "problems" but end up getting most of our attention, and in the end, our love, and so they turn out beautiful and well-adjusted and successful, or...in prison). i am such a different person now than i was when i first performed this show almost two years ago. the same in many ways, but oh-so-different and "grown" in ways i never could have imagined. i'm eager to see what sort of voice i'll give the show from this vantage point. and it's so very exciting for me, because this was always the point of the show; that it should be organic...growing, changing...juuuust like the human body. and it is. it will.

"snaps" for change!


i think my recent silence stems from uncertainty about what this blog is to be going forward. a diary? a resource? a forum? a bit of all three? should it be more structured or keep the same free-flowing whateverness it's had for the past 3 years? honestly, not a big deal. it really is just a blog, and who knows...my point is...i'm working on it. working through it. playing through it. getting my hands dirty and fingerpainting my future. so, my postings are gonna be messy, and infrequent and probably not quite clear, but i'm here, and i'll keep posting about body, food and culture and looking forward to hearing from you when something ping! resonates with you. it really has been the emails i've gotten from readers and YouTube viewers that have kept me going in my development of size ate. you dears, are The Fire Under My Ass. so, thanks. i needed that.

and yes, yes, yes...you nosey nellies who've asked, there still is the whirling dervish of laughter and curls...the boy who draws hearts on lattes and whose good-good heart and balsamic vinaigrette make me swoon. someday...i'll introduce you. ( :

overheard in the office.

"models always look like the most miserable people, so why is it we always want to wear what they're wearing?"

back from lala land...

what loooove looks like in the laskey family...

the philosopher and his little brother, ethan.

sorry for the lengthy pause in posting. i was in Lala Land for the first time this past week. Los Angeles, i mean. where Botox grows on trees. i'll be posting some pics and deets in the coming days, so stay tuned. i'd really like your opinion on my nose job.

KIDDING!

i also went to San Diego where, among other things, i hung out in the Jacuzzi with my 10-year old nephew, tyler:

(a heavy sigh) "i wish i were rich."

"you don't think you're rich?"

"well, i know i'm rich in loooooooooove, but i mean the other kind."

don't know, but don't wanna go.

my aunt and 88-year old grandma came to NYC for the day on saturday to visit. we had an absolutely wonderful time. we ate lunch at Rock Center Cafe, rode the Circle Line cruise, ate lunch again at the Eatery, wandered through the magical dome that is Grand Central Station, had cocktails at a nearby pub...we gabbed, we giggled. it was a great day full of many lovely moments to cherish, but beyond a doubt, the most memorable moment was a single sentence uttered by my Aunt Charlene in complete and utter sincerity as we were riding through the city in a cab:

where is that F-A-R-T Schwarz?

this is the package, ok?

I quit Weight Watchers. Can you believe it? I quit! Fergie Schmergie! I hate fiber. I like Mallomars and if Derek isn't going to love me for the tiny amount of cellulite I have on the back of my thighs then fuck him. Screw that guy. This is the package, ok? It's exactly the same under the wrapping. This is the package, no exchanges, no returns. Right? Why does our society push us to be perpetually uncomfortable with who we are. It's so messed up! Wanna know why? (reading from a magazine) "Boost your buttocks and thighs. Luscious Liposuction. Flawless face lifts." That's why. Enough is enough. We need to stop letting society and media and our religious leaders delegate who we are. You're amazing and I'm even more amazing and anybody who doesn't get it can screw themselves. (sigh) That felt fantastic.

Molly Shannon as Carrie in the movie Gray Matters. sent to me by Cassie, a size ate reader. thanks for thinking of me. to quote another Mollie Shannon vehicle, "you're a SUPERSTAR!"

distract me, please.

well, it's a miracle if anyone is still reading this blog. i have been absolutely and utterly distracted over the past few weeks. working like a madwoman and exhausted and so damn sick of computers, the last thing i want to do is touch one in any capacity when i get home from work. i have actually dreamt about Excel spreadsheets the last two nights. what would freud have to say about that?

get a life, woman.

full disclosure: oh, okay...and then, yes then...if you really wanna know there is this boy who draws hearts on the tops of lattes he makes for me...