Monday, November 19, 2007


today is the 20th anniversary of my mom's death. she died of cancer. it started in the breast and metastasized to her lung, then brain, then liver. she died on a thursday in 1987. i was 12.

my brother played in the Valdosta High School football game on friday night. he wrote the word MOM across his taped knuckles.

to the funeral, i wore a navy blue corduroy dress with puffed sleeves and a white cotton collar that my aunt charlene bought me the day before. i didn't cry. i was tired of crying. i was relieved.

i ate macaroni and cheese at the reception. casseroles multiplied like Gremlins those first few days. high-carb condolences.

we had a guest book for those who "called" at the house. i thought that was weird. i still do.

we got a lot of sappy sweet sympathy cards. i hated those. i still do.

i'm not sure i believe in heaven, but if there is one, and i go there when i go, i imagine we'll be reunited. there will be no celestial fireworks. no formal fanfare. no white and wings and halos and trumpets, but running shorts and tennis shoes, her walking through the back door asking me to help with the groceries. Maizey, our golden lab, trailing eagerly behind her.


Dolores said...

I'm not sure what kind of afterlife I believe in, either... but as we approach the holidays I've been struggling a bit with love and loss, and your image of your mom and Maizey made me smile.

Beth said...

That is an awful thing for you and your family to go through, loosing your mom at such a young age. I can't imagine it and am amazed how you seem so confident, happy, and successful as a person without having had all the extra help from her growing up. She is beautiful, and it sounds like she made a huge impact on your life.

Up with Jackson! said...

Thinking of you -- you really are an amazing lady -- i think your mom is smiling at how your life is going -- def. a big smile!

S said...

you're going to be the best mom some lucky tow-headed kid could ever hope for.

(huh, i always thought it was toe head.)

love you buh

Lavonne said...

I think Heaven is a way to label/name what/where we go once our earthly bodies are gone. Your mom still lives in your heart and your brothers, heck she's in mine and I didn't even know her, but nevertheless lives in me b/c she's in you and you're in me....confused yet? Ha. I guess we will all know when we get the meantime....
I love you M.