love is better than exercise.

our morning routine. (not really)

i went to my yoga studio's website today to see what classes they're offering.

Restorative Yoga.

perfect.

i scan the rest of the page just for giggles.

Yoga Fight Club.

what?

the idea of it makes me cringe. Yoga and Fight aren't 2 words that should ever go together, are they? i live in NYC, just walking down the street feels like a battle, and it's free!

i haven't really been to the gym in any real way in almost 2 years. i could blame The Cute. he lives in Jersey, i live in Queens, with all the time spent commuting back and forth, no time to go to the gym! blah blah blah blah... but i'm actually going to thank The Cute for giving me a break from the gym. turns out i don't like the gym. turns out i kinda hate it. turns out my body wasn't very happy there either.

here's the thing: it's been almost 2 years since i've gone to the gym in any real way and i feel physically better than i have in years. yes, i feel better about my body, but i also just feel better. my joints are looser. i'm more flexible. i feel more relaxed (i know what you're thinking, and yes, the sex helps.). movement i'm beginning to miss, and i'm working on getting more of that back into my life via yoga, swimming and dancing, but not WORKING OUT.

doesn't the term WORKING OUT just sound like so much, well, WORK? who needs more of that word?

for me, working out was always about burning calories, tightening the abs, carving out the triceps. even when i tried to convince myself it wasn't, even after a few years of writing this blog and doing my show, and waving my "love my body as is, or else" banner, it was. and good lord was it ever about COMPETITION! either with the girl next to me or the girl in the mirror. never enough. never satisfied. push, push, push.

ouch.

sure, i loved the endorphin rush of a 30-minute dash on the elliptical machine followed by crunches, and arm curls, and push ups, and, and and... but after the initial glow wore off, i'd feel sore and tired and beat. i'd fall into bed, wake up even more sore, tired and beat, just in time to do the whole thing all over again.

gerbil. wheel.

what's the point of all of this again?

i frequently ponder what aliens might think if they came to earth and the first thing they saw was a gym. loads of people on treadmills and stationery bikes and rowing machines, sweating profusely, working incredibly hard, but going ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE. intelligent life? i think not.

i've decided i want to incorporate more joyful movement into my life, but this time, it's a fear of developing a hunchback like my Great Grandma Ida that's pushing me to get more active not fat thighs. there's also this guy, and i fancy him, and he loves me the way that i am and the way that i will be. i'd like to hang out with him as long as i can making designs in our coffee and swinging in the hammock and making up songs about how much we love brushing our teeth. and movement, they say, helps you live longer. i suppose i should listen.

my ass may be flabbier than it was in april 2007, but i could give two shits. the past 2 years have made me stronger in ways that going to the gym never could. no, i haven't spent a ton of time building my ab muscles, but oh, how my heart muscle has grown. i ain't gonna lie, it's been painful at times , because wow, here's a part of my heart i never thought i'd have to use, and there he is taking up residence in it. burping and snoring and being downright beautiful. stretched. big, red beating heart of mine. stronger than ever, and there's absolutely no competition. it's all his.

do you like going to the gym? if not, what are some fun, joyful movement alternatives that you might try this summer? what physical activities you enjoyed as a kid usually offers an excellent clue. me? swimming!

also, is there someone in your life who loves you unconditionally? regardless of what your body looks like?