Monday, October 17, 2005

addendum to a little (okay, a lot) bubbly

how do you think they made the bubbles?

someone, a fella presumably, anonymously commented re' the previous post about my recent bout with indigestion:

Well there goes my romantic notions...

in reponse:

1. first of all...it takes zero cojones to post anonymously. show your face, little man!

2. if you're that easily put off...good riddance. who needs a guy who's so squeamish? if you can't handle gas, whaddya gonna do when she births a watermelon-sized child through an orifice that's roughly the size of a lemon?

3. you have these issues too, i'd imagine, and i'll bet you've woken up past girlfriends with your little odiferant symphonies in the middle of the night. did she say anything? nooooo. she may have even found it charming in a very endearing, oh-look-how-comfortable-he-is-around-me, human way. you know that little bottle of Gas-x that serendipitously appeared in the medicine cabinet right next to your unromantic nose-hair clipper? not serendipitous - a fully conscious act of unconditonal love and concern for your digestive health.

3. newsflash, guy...GIRLS FART. we also do far more disgusting things, but i won't go into that now. don't want to topple all of your female fantasies in one day...just keep believing that we're odorless, hairless, non-excretory, all-natural blondes, whose morning breath smells of honeysuckle, and who really do enjoy hearing all about your fantasy football games and listening to you play "stairway to heaven" for the 400th time on the guitar you've had since college.

1 comment:

Clementine said...

Just because we do it, doesn't make it pleasant. Have you no decency?