Sunday, May 06, 2007

sub-par, big-old-duh chocolate cake

and my prize-winning humble pie is coolin' on the windowsill.

sitting at my keyboard. i nibble sub-par chocolate cake from Omonia Cafe. i wear a miniature tiara on my head, just because, or maybe because i need to feel special after a day of slingin' this and that, and cleaning out ketchup bottle lids with my recently manicured fingernails. i'm hoping someone is watching this little tableau through my window because oh, that would be amusing to see, and if i weren't so tired, i might giggle at my reflection in the window.

exhausted after a full weekend of work...and for what?

"paying off debt."

"getting ahead."

but am i? really...getting ahead? or just treading murky water? and not really getting any closer to The Island of the Debt-Free where everyone has maxxed out their 401k and has at least 3 months worth of living expenses in the bank "just in case?" i realize just now that i am very possibly working so much (seven days a week, thank ye very much) in order to avoid getting to the real work...the real, hard, "blood on the forehead" work of fostering and growing my show and all it's little branches. now, as i write it, it seems like such a BIG OLD DUH, but "paying off debt" really is a completely socially acceptable and even applaudable reason to postpone pursuit of your dreams. only now do i wonder how many of us who use that line are really just bullshitting the world...and ourselves.

clearly this requires more exploration, but i just don't have the energy at this point and time.

someone pointed out the little stress zits that have popped up along my hairline and in the center of my cheeks today as if they were pointing out peony blossoms.

why, thank you. i hadn't noticed.

this chocolate cake sucks.


B said...

girl, I feel you. I worked a 55 hour week last month and it kicked my arse. I am "getting out of debt" myself...but I'd rather be in a blue sequined dress and afro.

Lavonne said...

Debt-free is for chickens.