Monday, June 09, 2008
the sundress legacy.
i'm astonished, really. how quickly it comes back. you think you've conquered it. shoved it down into the innards, and yet.
doo do doo do, doo do doo do, doo do doo do...
it's like the goddamn Twilight Zone.
everyone's being an asshole because their buttcheeks are chafing and their pores are clogging in this miserable heat, but i'm somehow managing to take it personally.
is it because i'm ugly? is it because i'm fat? is it because of that zit on my left cheek?
seriously? um. no. suffering from delusions of grandeur, my dahlin'? everyone here is preoccupied with their misery - just like you - so shove some ice cubes into your C-cup and SNAP OUT OF IT!
nyc is having a bit of a heat wave. temps hit 100 today, and this past weekend was pretty awful too. on sunday, after The Cute (poor dear) drenched himself in sweat fixing the ice cube maker, we sat down at the kitchen table and stared at one another over a batch of homemade Bloody Marys. communication limited to vigorous eye movements and motionless-speaking worthy of a ventriloquist. movement permitted only to 1. visit the air-conditioned bedroom or 2. shower... again.
and NO TOUCHING.
i don't do well in heat, or rather, i haven't done well in the heat in the past. i've gotten much better, but it has always brought up so much body angst for me. hot and sticky weather means to me 1. hot, swollen body and 2. less clothing.
FAT-FEELING BODY!!! LESS CLOTHING!!! a torturous combination for someone trying to get comfortable with her body.
but then, i think, what would the challenge be in 365 days of big sweaters and courduroys? nada much.
over the past couple of years, i've relaxed a bit. gotten more comfy in my skin, gotten more comfy showing more skin. it's nice to move through the world with less body shame, and i consider the wearing of a certain summer staple one of the many bonuses of being a girl.
WE GET TO WEAR DRESSES!!! NA NA NI BOO BOO!!!
it is completely culturally-acceptable, daresay expected, for us womenfolk to wear light, flouncy (read: cool) dresses when the temperatures soar. i'm not suggesting you dress to please anyone other than yourself, but these days, i choose to weather heat waves donning strappy sundresses and flouncy tunics rather than my summer uniform of yore: heavy cotton XL t-shirts and jeans.
i swear their are boobs somewhere in this sea of jersey knit. hold on a sec, i'll find one for ya.
my body is far from perfect, and i obviously still struggle with some body anxiety when it comes to summer attire. so what makes it different now? what makes it easier now?
i think it has something to do with the fact that these days, my own physical well-being is mucho more important-o to my emotional well-being than what other people think of me... and my arms... and my ass... and that zit on my left cheek. sure, it might still feel like it matters sometimes, but a whole helluva lot less. these days, it's more about how i feel in the world, not about how i think they feel about my being in it.
actually, it's The Cute who's pointed out the Sundress Legacy to me on a number of occasions. me, on a hot summer's day, slipping into a light, airy confection of a summer dress, and he struggling into yet another pair of PANTS: those sartorial contraptions that cover both legs in material from hip to heel.
you girls are lucky.
yes, yes we are. not totally fair, i'll grant you, but then neither was that not being able to vote for the first 100+ years of the republic. i'll consider this a fair trade, thanks.
i have to go shopping now.