Friday, February 22, 2008

me... photoshopped.

last thursday - valentine's day - a guy at work who's always walking around taking pictures of staff with his fancy dancy camera (he took this one too), stopped by my desk, and said,

"i gotta take a picture of you with that heart necklace on."

"uh. okay." for one who performs ALONE ON STAGE on a regular basis, and aspires to perform ALONE ON STAGE for a living, i do not really like having my picture taken ALONE. maybe it's residual body image issues:

oh, but my big fat nose, my big fat face, my big fat zits will be preserved for all time in this shoddy state.

or maybe it's that residual feeling of undeservedness.

WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT A PICTURE OF ME ALONE? don't you want someone else in here to distract you from all this imperfect-ness?

so he took the pic, and 15 minutes later he emails me this one.

wow. i thought. that looks pretty good. i like that pic. i look refreshed, i haven't exfoliated in ages, but my skin looks so... wait a minute! that big honkin' zit on my cheek is completely gone!

then it hit me.

i've been photoshopped!

i felt so dirty.

out of curiosity, i asked the guy to email me the original version so i could see the difference. no, not to beat myself up over how pimply and wrinkly i am, but to see first person how and why this photoshopping phenomenon is so widely-accepted.

ohhhh... that's why.

go on... click to see the difference. (if you click the pics, they get larger. go on! get to know my pores!)

i don't think i look awful in the untouched one - a female human bean at the end of a long work day, i guess - but you see why some folks might prefer the photoshopped version of themselves. i mean, it's one thing to see the real and touched-up version of faith hill and say, "oh, but she looks just as pretty, just more real in the first one!" and it's another thing entirely to see yourself all human and flawed and then to see yourself all goddess-like and flawless and then choose the real version. i'm just as conditioned as everyone else to think the porcelain-skinned visages in all the magazines and movies is normal and ideal. human looks abnormal to this conditioned eye.

if they're gonna put you on the cover of a nationally-distributed magazine, i can see how it might be a little difficult to stick to your guns and go with the untouched version (not that i think the editors gave faith hill or any of their cover models much of a choice in the matter). out of principle and a duty to my fellow womenfolk, of course, i'd choose the real one b/c i see how this stuff gets out of hand - lengthening limbs, carving out waists, shading in breasts. the guy who took my pic even removed my signature Marilyn mole above my lip! since when is a tiny little mole a flaw? i mean, really, it grows steely strands of hair. how cool is that?


my apologies for being so lax in posting as of late. The Cute and i have been mourning the loss of his little dog Chicken. she died suddenly last sunday afternoon after suffering an idiopathic seizure (meaning they have no fucking idea what caused it; so much for closure). she was the cutest, sweetest, weirdest dog i've ever known, and i'd grown quite attached to her. her paws smelled like Fritos, she chased her own tail, she loved homebaked peanut butter dog cookies and she was a very good sport about letting us balance things on her head.

she was only 3 1/2. i shall miss her very much.


Anonymous said...

oh no! oh no! oh no! poor chicken chicky, i am sooo sooo sorry!

it must be terrible to have lost her (him?) and i know how awful these seizures are, biff had one a couple of years ago and no one knows where it came from or has not happened since but it makes us all the more grateful to have him, sweet little biffy, his paws smell like popcorn and he snores in his sleep.


PalmTreeChick said...

Oh, I'm so sad about the dog too. This coming from the girl who saw a homeless woman on the street with her dog and I felt more sorry for the dog than the woman. Is there something wrong there?

Secondly, I LOVE your hair!! Love it!! I also think you look gorgeous in the UNphotoshopped pic. You're a margrockstar!

livingrainbowcolor said...

Nix fat. You are gorgeous. Next time MAKE him take a picture for you and fawm for the camera.

Mae said...

I am so sorry about the pup... my dad's chihauhua smelled like Fritos and so does my doxie mix. I know losing them is heartbreaking... my mom had a dog with seizures and they lost her at three.

Big hugs. :)

and fyi, I think you're gorgeous untouched, but frankly that thought isn't about your looks. It's about knowing what you do and what you stand for... and that's something no one can photoshop away. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm very sorry your loss. My own dog is very sick and I don't know if she's going to survive.

Actually, to me, the first picture is just a face while the second one shows a real person. Someone with a life, a history.
To be honest, i think it's also easier to show "naked" faces because we're living in a world full of strangers. Looking at "real" people demands more attention and time is money ;). Flaws are human, they make us care.

s said...

ug... i still miss her like crazy! seeing her being her silly self is such a pleasure... i'm so glad you got to know that silly pup.

Riot Kitty said...

Stop beating yourself up! You are beautiful!