Monday, February 27, 2006

i love joe (but nobody else wants us to be together).

this weekend, i attended classes at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition. i learned a number of things about myself.

among them:

1. according to the Myers-Briggs Test, i am an ENFJ.

Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

oh stop. i'm blushing.

2. the surface area of my gastrointestinal tract is 300-400 square meters, or the size of a tennis court.


3. i drink coffee, therefore i am satan.

okay, they didn't exactly say it in those words, but there is definitely a strong opposition to java at IIN. now, i'm not suggesting that the woman who stood up and said she's a coffee addict, but has "cut back" from 42 ounces a day to 36 ounces doesn't have a problem, (i can't help but think of the poor woman's teeth) but c'mon! i don't think my one cup of hazelnut coffee a day is a huge threat to my overall health, and i drink boatloads of water all day long to counteract the diuretic effects. my numerous trips to the loo throughout the day are a testament this. not only does this provide me with a very active work social life (best conversations are held in restrooms. oh, okay. gossip. but whatever.), it's a replacement for cardio on those days i don't get to the gym.

there actually are good things about coffee: antioxidants like chlorogenic acid and tocopherols, evidence that it lowers your risk Parkinson's disease, colon cancer, and diabetes. i'm not gonna go into the details, you can read about that here. i'm not sure i agree with the idea of feeding it to young children so they can perform better in school, (my parents gave me a small glass of wine at dinner to calm me down, and i don't even think that worked. i can't imagine if they'd given me coffee) but in moderation, can't i have a cup of coffee without feeling LIKE LESS OF A PERSON???!!!

oh, okay. yes. i'm mostly doing this to myself, but coffee is frequently referred to as a drug in class. so, of course, when you refer to something as a drug, i can't help but feel at least a little bit like a drug user. but i have no track marks! no deviated septum! yes, my teeth are a little yellow, but nothing that a little Rembrandt won't fix. so, you hear all of this repeatedly, and can't help but think that you're little cup of joe is a problem. like "did you hear, margaux has a coffee problem?"

yes, i have a problem. my problem is the number 4 thing i learned (again) about myself this weekend: i care too damn much what people think. those people whose high-antioxidant green teabag tags taunt me, dangling conspicuously from the edge of their cup like a 6-year old pageant queen.

i'm better than yoooooooooou.

but whatever. by defending it i guess i'm admitting that there is something innately bad about the stuff, and that's what bugs me. bad. good. bad. good. like people, there are few foods in this life that can be so easily classified with a couple of exceptions; i think we can agree on Hitler and chitlins, don't you? that's what gets us into trouble with food i think. categorizing it as bad or good, devil or angel, friend or foe, it just ain't so.

for now, i'm not quitting. maybe there's a little bit of rebellion there. maybe a little bit of resistance to change. i'm making so many other big changes in my life, health and otherwise, perhaps this is my last hold out, but i can't discount the contentedness that comes with my trip to the cafe where they know just how i like it:

hazelnut with just a touch of half and half and one Splenda.

and, it keeps my bowels happy, and at 300-400 square meters, that is no small thing.

No comments: