Tuesday, March 25, 2008
but the tangerines are fluent in mandarin.
I AM STILL SCARED OF BREAD AND PASTA.
i really don't want to spend my life being scared of bread and pasta. i mean, seriously.
NOODLES. i am scared of NOODLES.
when ya say it like that, it sounds pretty ridiculous, doesn't it?
now, i don't recoil at the sight of a croissant, but i DO plan and negotiate my meals in my head:
alright. i had a sandwich (w/ two slices of bread) for lunch, so no pasta for dinner.
i'm going to Don Giovanni's tonight for dinner, so i'll have a salad for lunch (even though what my body is really craving right now is macaroni and cheese and an apple).
many folks would consider this normal and even good planning, but i don't want to plan my meals. i want to trust myself and my body to eat what it wants when it's hungry and stop when it's full, and to trust my body to digest that food and to get hungry again. and when i get hungry again? to eat what i want and stop when i'm full. period.
so, i'm going to work with her for a bit so i can, as she said, "clean up the rough edges" of my recovery. apparently, eating disorder recovery is not a race with a finish line. it is a process with a finish line that keeps moving and changing shapes, dammit. i'll share some of my epiphanies with you as i work with her, but you should check her out on your own if you're so inclined.
(her website is not done yet, but keep checking. she says it should be up w/ loads of info in the next week or so: www.evolvedeating.com.)