Wednesday, June 22, 2005

HE's the froot loop

saddam + doritos = love at first bite

so, i know by now you've heard the news that Saddam Hussein enjoys his American junk food. it's been written up everywhere.

BBC article (best if read with a British accent)

he digs Raisin Bran Crunch for breakfast (does he know the benefits of fiber?), but won't eat Froot Loops (is it the artificial coloring ?). Cheetos was his favorite until someone brought him his first bag of Doritos. from then on, that was his preferred amuse bouche. according to reports, he huddled in the corner and ate them quickly. hmmm...sounds like an emotional eater to me.

(i'm hoping that this is the only similarity between SH and myself: i prefer Doritos to Cheetos as well. that whole styrofoamy-stick-to-the-top-of-your-mouth-thing Cheetos has going on is highly unfavorable, and the corn-chippiness of Doritos gives me a false sense of wholesomeness that i welcome. if they bottled the "cheese" powder, i might eat that by the handful. as a kid, i used to lick off the powder. this resulted in a fluorescent orange tongue that impressed all of my friends in the lunchroom. such a talented child.)

he wasn't into running on the treadmill that was already in his cell, but asked for a table-tennis table instead. his request was denied. (does anyone else find that weird? table-tennis? one of the world's most heinous, murderous men enjoys a few rounds of table-tennis?)

just out of curiosity, i wanted to see how much activity SH would have to engage in to burn off some of his snacks. i also assumed that Saddam, if given the chance, would eat an entire bag in one sitting - and not one of those single serving ones - the whole shebang. he doesn't strike me as the type of guy who exercises restraint.

i went to this handy-dandy calorie calorie/fitness calculator, and here's some useless information for you. i considered getting all fancy and making a graphic, but i'm too tired from hot apartment and adorable though annoying foster cat keeping me up all night with her dance moves on my face:

in order to burn off one 13 oz. bag of DORITOS NACHO CHEESIER® Flavored Tortilla Chips = 1820 calories and 7 g fat he'd have to:

play 5.6 hours of table-tennis
walk for 5.1 hours at 3 mph
run for 2.6 hours at 5 mph

in order to burn off one 10 oz. bag of CHEETOS Crunchy Cheese Flavored Snacks = 1600 calories and 10 g fat he'd have to:

play 4.9 hours of table-tennis
walk for 4.5 hours at 3 mph
run for 2.3 hours at 5 mph

so, Saddam, ya Froot Loop, running is your best option. who wants to spend all of their life in a gym?

No comments: