post-wedding blues

if you like pina coladas, and getting burnt by the pool

this real life thing is for the birds...no lush flowers, no pina colada-scented foot cream bridesmaid favors, no real reason to wear sparkly body powder.

i am officially depressed, having just returned from a sunkissed, lovefest wedding weekend for k+w. this is my modus operandi; slipping into a mini-depression after big events like this. my life just pales in comparison to the heightened glee that is a wedding celebration. pity pity pity me. i forget that everyone else is going home to their real lives too. i just feel so very eensy-weensy-insignificant when i'm on an airplane at 11pm, hungover and hovering over new york city and it's enormous labrynthine of lights, the faint smell of hydrangeas still clinging to my fingertips. after such a BIG weekend, it is easy, i suppose, to feel very, very small.

lest you think i am just a whiny solipsist, i'm sharing today's (abridged, annotated, and edited) e-correspondence with my friend who was also at the wedding and is suffering from the same post-nuptial depression. henceforth, i will refer to her as "pinky," having spent a little too much time in the sun sans sunscreen...but only on her legs, so she sort of resembles a 3-year old in hot pink tights. cute on a 3-year old. notsamuch on a 30 year old in a black string bikini, but we love her anyway. her normally conscientious self having been hampered by her copious consumption of frozen pina coladas.

and so:

text message via cellphone from moi to pinky
(upon my landing at La Guardia airport and discovering that i have a negative balance in my checking account, therefore, unable to withdraw funds for cab ride home. minor panic. then realize, i have savings...precisely what i was saving for. ugh.)
sunday, june 19, 10:48 pm

i don't like Real Life. can we go back to Wedding Land?

text message via cellphone from pinky to moi
sunday, june 19, 11:06 pm

done. see you in FL in 2 hrs.

then...this morning...

monday, june 20, 9:17 am
subject: ugh
from: pinky

C. and I may go get pina coladas at lunch... I had so much fun this weekend - I am so sad...

monday, june 20, 9:53 am
subject: re:ugh
from: moi

i know...me too. ) : i was so depressed when i got home last nite, i ate my melted chocolate wedding favors. seriously. it was just a big lump of white, dark, and milk chocolate goo. hm. curious. still tasted good.

i think i'll have a pina colada for breakfast.


monday, june 20, 10:03 am
subject: re: ugh
from: pinky

I know! We had big ole Whoppers in the airport. J (pinky's boyfriend who did not come to the wedding) met me at my apartment and I wouldn't go to sleep b/c I knew I'd have to wake up and come to work!!! Then he was complaining this morning about having to get up and I was like "shut it."

Let's stay in touch by e mail all day - it's the only way I'll get through it.

Love you! Forward me your pics when you can!!!

monday, june 20, 10:11 am
subject: re:ugh
from: moi

no problem. email post-wedding trauma support group has officially begun.

i cried when i got home last nite. hard. boo hoo hoo.

i'll upload the pics tonite. there were so many...eeks. (329.)

oh. and i also had a comfort cinnamon chip scone at the airport, and real starbucks coffee...THAT got my colon going. thank heavens. i was soooo stopped up.

hey, sneaky - did you take my Exlax from the bedside table b/c you were worried i was using it as a fucked up "diet aid?" hmmmmm??? i assure you that was not the plan. the purchase was merely a preemptive strike against the inevitable constipation i experience on trips. (too much information? oh, deal with it.)

how's the burn, pinky?

monday, june 20, 10:22 am
subject: re: ugh
from: pinky

No I did not take your Exlax!!!! And it never even crossed my mind that you would use it for dietary purposes. If I had a suspicion about it I would have said it to your cute face.

I wanted to cry this morning getting off the subway. But tonight I will go home and self-medicate by cleaning, organizing and cooking.

monday, june 20, 11:03 am
subject: re:ugh
from: moi

ok ok...you didn't take it. not that i woulda been mad anyway, but you is right. you woulda told me to my face. i just can't figure where the fuck it went! (somewhere, the person who mistook my chocolate-flavored Exlax tablets for the chocolate wedding favors is experiencing some intestinal karmic retribution for thieving it.)

i had such a great time, but i'm worried k. was so busy taking care of everyone else that she didn't enjoy it. ah well...at my wedding we're all gonna do a series of yoga poses together before the ceremony, and i'm hiring a chauffeur for all of my bridesmaids. i will not be driving anyone anywhere during my wedding weekend - i will be DRINKING.

to make it all about me - i felt very forced all weekend. does that make sense? i was trying so very hard to be charming and affable and appropriate. i hate when i do that. had a good time, but felt quite disconnected at times except when i was dancing. ( : then, i was just an a-hole.

monday, june 20, 12:47 pm
subject: re: ugh
from: pinky

that's funny! I was admiring to C how easily social you were this weekend as compared to the "large group anxiety" I seemed to be experiencing. And whether you were faking it or not, you looked like you were having a ton of fun- going out, dancing, pool partying, etc. It's just so hard when you have to share space and be nice to people you're not around all the time- for 4 days!!!

I would also like to compliment the both if us on our bathing beautiness. when we could have covererd up or been self-conscious in our suits, i think we both took the bull by the horns and let it all out by the pool!

we had so much fun this weekend b/c we all pretty much had one spot to hang out in all day and some parties at night- all in all, lots of fun. waghhhhhhh! anyhoo, for myself, I am thinking more and more of an old hotel; with a beautiful garden and swimming facility. Maybe an old plantation home rented out for the weekend...a tea for the ladies, football for the guys, a babysitter for the kids, and a casino near by for the heathens. hmmmmm.

monday, june 20, 2:44 pm
subject: re:ugh
from: moi

ha. that is funny. i thought the exact same about you. you seemed so cool and collected yourself. guess we can pretty much deduce that MOST people were experiencing some level of social anxiety...even 4-year old Jasper. RH wouldn't quit hitting on the poor guy. ( : guess ya just gotta fake it 'til ya make it.

amen to our flaunting our bods by the pool - screw it was my attitude. i was still quite self-conscious, but managed to enjoy myself for the most part. impudent little belly and all... i think this weekend can pretty much be summed up in two words - cleaveage and pina coladas. i was all about the boobs this weekend. not so much intentionally, just sort of happened that everything i wore showcased them. finally, at the ripe old age of 30, i'm becoming comfortable w/ acknowledging their existence.

by the by - i thought you looked beautiful all weekend, and you have the cutest damn figure. period. teensy waist. excellent bum. hope J appreciates what he's got. (i have a feeling he does...)

love your wedding idea. can't wait for that one! ( :

me? definitely a wedding weekend w/ activities, but laid back. less planned, if that's possible. have a civil ceremony w/ just me and my groom and a few friends. then a big party with sooo much dancing for which i'll change into a dress w/ a big flouncy chiffon skirt. NOT in the south. NOT in the summer. no church. autumn preferably or early winter. a seated dinner. no hors d'oeuvres that require toothpicks. and yes to babysitters...

and, absolutely NO BOUQUET TOSS. how humiliating can you get? they at least should have done the garter thing as well. if we have to feel like idiots, at least the guys should too!!!

monday, june 20, 3:13 pm
subject: quote for this weekend
from: moi

Politeness is half good manners and half good lying. - Mary Wilson Little

monday, june 20, 3:18 pm
subject: re: quote for this weekend
from: pinky

True dat! I am still responding to your last e mail...

monday, june 20, 3:25 pm
subject: re: ugh
from: pinky

Oh my god! The bouquet toss was my fave part!!!! It fulfilled all my bouquet toss dreams; where the bride throws the damn thing and we all let it fall on the floor! And it happened! Wonderfully funny for me. A protest of great proportions.

I like your wedding already. though I'm a sucker for hors d'oeuvres. They're my favorite part of parties - usually. At my other friend's it was all veggie crap. I want shrimp wrapped in bacon, fried and topped with a hollondaise sauce! yum city.

and I thought YOU looked beautiful all weekend- radiant in fact- and your legs are gorgeous and the world needs to see them more often. and never too much cleav from the woman with favorite tits ever. love you! mean it.

monday, june 20, 3:49 pm
subject: re:ugh
from: moi

ha! you're right about the bouquet toss. funny. we're still not doing it at my wedding, and if you make me do it at yours, i'm gonna throw it back.

oh no no no...i like hors d'oeuvres too, just nothing that requires a stick. i hate having to figure out what the hell to do w/ them when you're done (hold onto it? inconspicously drop it on the floor? stick it behind your ear? or into your hair as a decoration?) i like hors d'oeuvres that are bite size. pop 'em in your mouth and your done. (plus, there's no evidence of how much you've eaten).

loved the white wedding cake w/ canolli filling! yummerama!!! dinner was good, but i was too full from apps to truly enjoy. ah well...danced off apps and devoured cake! (seems a fair compromise)

and that was the last i heard from pinky...she is probably at home already self-medicating with a blender-full of pina coladas, cleaning, organizing and cooking her way back to reality. me? i think i'm gonna go home, put on my bridesmaid's dress, and dance around my apartment to "We Are Family" - i'm not ready to come back yet.

besides. i've just about worn in my shoes.